Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
