Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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