All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
