i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
