Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
