8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
