my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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