this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
