Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
ttyl tear gas
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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