dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
