I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
