We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
