I wish you could order shots online.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
