WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
