you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
