shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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