yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
