this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
