Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
