1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
