Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
