YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
