FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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