Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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