Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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