why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
