It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
