You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Boobs are out for the taking
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
