I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
