i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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