I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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