im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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