Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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