My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So vagazzling was a success
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
