I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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