Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
