SEEEEXXX PLEASE
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
