I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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