I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
