Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I understand Curling. That high.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
