all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
