so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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