The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
