I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
