My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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