i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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