3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
