I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
