she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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