I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize