Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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