if we break up, who will get the dealer?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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