i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
