any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
